I’m not depressed, feeling lonely, isolated or bored. At this point, I have everything I need. There is something I want that I can’t name and can’t find. Arby’s is advertising a creamy orange shake that may lure us out, which will a momentary pleasure, but I know it won’t satisfy long term. I’ve talked to my wife, talked to Jesus and although that was good, it didn’t fill that “spot.”
The word cumulative has been heavy on my mind today.
Last evening, a news report talked about a possible meat shortage coming by the end of the week and we’ll be wearing face masks perhaps all summer. I don’t need meat—as long as we can fry up some tofu. But I felt something new I’m not used to feeling. One of my favorite writers said, “Many of the leaders I’ve talked to are saying this is just a dress rehearsal to what is coming.”
Today we got news a friend, a person we really like and have vested words and prayer with, will be moved to hospice. Feeling! “Moving to hospice.”
Horse racing was a big deal in the 1920s. That dried up with Prohibition. There were no laws in Mexico against gambling or selling booze, so Tijuana became the place to be. The maintenance people mucked the stalls and carried it to a common place. Over time, it became Manure Mountain. It seldom rained in Tijuana, but a huge storm hit the higher ranges and floods swept down through the streets picking up M.M. pushing it through the club house, racing pavilion and wiping out everything in front of it until it sank into a body of water.
The destruction was not caused by the storm, but the storm plus. Somewhere in the time line, somebody tossed one more shovel full onto the pile. Tipping point! Catalyst! Breaking point.
Cumulative—storm plus one.
Psychologist, Dr. Archibald Hart says about anxiety—ask what is missing in you. What void keeps pushing us to the fridge or filling comfort food? In uncertainty, we look for reassurances, guarantees, explanations, reasons, something, any something that will take the edge off.
Peach cobbler with ice cream would help, maybe a satisfying coffee. But not enough. What is that feeling? Fear, maybe. It really hit me—this is a big deal! It could become as scary as all the terror movies ever made, added to all nightmares.
Cumulative—I’m thinking that word was spoken to me by Holy Spirit. We could handle most things if they came one at a time. But the stuff keeps getting tossed onto the pile. We can help ourselves by guarding proportion of what we hear, see, imagine, and try to solve. Limiting the stimuli is an act of faith—it is part of expressing our faith.
Positive cumulative—faith plus one. “Faith comes by hearing…the word of God” (Romans 10:17). Peace, Proportion, Perspective.
Monitor the cumulative
© 2020 D. Dean Benton