A Squirrel Tail


Maybe you can tell me. What kind of jail time will I get for killing a squirrel? If I kill three squirrels, will the sentences run concurrently?

In studies of the supernatural, squirrels are symbolic of demons. I believe that! Whoever the researcher was, he/she was speaking from experience.

My wife can push me toward the edge by reminding me that the bird feeders are empty. Kill the squirrels! We like birds, but we want to think that after years of maturing us, God will someday trust us with pretty ones. If you visit us, Carole will tell you a sad story that all she really wants in life is a pair of yellow finches. My expectations are a little larger. I would enjoy an oriole, a blue bird and a stray mockingbird. No! We’ve got half of the world’s sparrows, some grackles, a homeless, pregnant robin and squirrels. I’m surprised we don’t have marauding sea gulls—and you know how messy they are. We also have stray cats who come in from the next block to use our lawn as their kitty litter pan. A mangy yellow cat crept across our lawn and I got excited—the cat is going to snatch a squirrel. This has become a blood lust sport! Didn’t happen. The cat nodded good morning to the squirrel and snarled at a beautiful Cardinal.

It is not enough that the lead squirrel empties the bird feeder. Yesterday he ate the top off the bird feeder. This is not plastic like milk comes in. The bird feeder is quarter inch, heavy gauge plastic. Your pit bull would have to go to the vet from eating it, but the squirrel didn’t even burp.

My wife armed herself to scare the squirrel away from our bird feeder. She put pennies in a Dr. Pepper can and shakes it at the rodent and yells at it. Wish she’d stop that! Scares me and the squirrel looks at her and says, “Whatever!”

Early in the spring, I was sitting on our lawn park bench reading and enjoying the sun. I’m aware that I have company. A squirrel is calmly walking toward me and is ready to jump up on the bench and join me. It was not threatening or at all threatened by me. After considering that it may have rabies, I look for but see no frothing. It really acts like he wants to be my friend—just hang together on the bench. I started to talk to it—I don’t know its gender—and the creature just sits there and listens. Doesn’t act like he is plotting an attack or is scared by my questions. But neither does the vermin have any answers.

I don’t know if God likes squirrels or not. Jesus says He has a thing for sparrows. It doesn’t look like He is going to go halves on sparrow food. Maybe God is protecting those yellow finches and sends them to the three-story houses on 5th St. If you have insight on this squirrel—yellow finch thing, please communicate with my wife. She’s the pretty lady waving the Dr. Pepper can. I think she’s starting a new religion.

©2016 D. Dean Benton

Finishing two new novels: Porches and Pillars and When Whales Sing. Visit our ebook site: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/DDeanBenton


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